I woke up this morning to the scent of spam and rice. It made me a combination of sad and nostalgic.
It made me nostalgic as I thought about my childhood and having spam. I feel like we didn't eat spam that often. I feel like it was more of a special treat.
It made me sad because I can't eat it. About 3 years ago, I gave up meat for my health. But that is a story for another time.
As I think about why it makes me so nostalgic, I think about my mom and how often she would make us home cooked meals. When I was a kid, we would walk to a neighbor's house after school and they would watch us until my mom got off of work. Often times, she would pick us up and we would go home and she would cook us dinner. I think about how much work and effort that is. With 3 small kids, after working an entire day, and then coming home and being by yourself and making dinner.
I think about how much I struggle with that with only 2 kids and having help. I think of how much work that is and how much love is put into it. This thought begs me to ask myself, why don't I love myself enough to be able to do that?
Why don't I love my family enough to be able to do that? It also makes me have so much admiration for my mom for doing that every day for so long. We barely ate out as kids. I don't think my mom jumped on the fast food train until I was in middle or high school.
I share this as both admiration for my mom and finally understanding what my guides are trying to tell me about having a relationship with my food and with eating. I've realized my attachment to the foods I think of so fondly are really an attachment to the memories. Taking that even deeper is that I didn't understand it as my mom's love and a part of me felt like I'd be losing it by letting it go. I know that isn't true. My mom comes by with vegetarian friendly food for me all the time.
Eating is more than stuffing food down your throat so it could journey through your insides and come out in your feces. It is a multi-dimensional experience of emotions, memories, and the energies of all involved from those that cultivated, prepared, and shared the meal. This is taking mindfulness to the next level. You want to love unconditionally? It means loving all things, inclusive of your food and your eating ritual.
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