Are you trying to:
I've got news for you. You don't need any of it.
When you understand how your energy works and the paradigm in which the Universe is communicating you in, that's all you need. Sit back and let me tell you a story.
I grew up with my paternal grandparents living 5 minutes away from me. Coincidentally, or not, I now live in between the home they lived in and the home I grew up in. While I spent a lot of time at their house, I can't say I knew much about my grandparents as people.
I remember spending afternoons at my grandparents' house. Most of the time, my grandma had her sewing or embroidery machine out. She was always crafting something whether it be sewn, embroidered, knitted, or crocheted. My grandma was a Filipina Martha Stewart always creating things. One time she took a heather grey sweatshirt and embroidered a fluffy teddy bear onto it. I wore that sweatshirt until the cuffs frayed.
When she passed away, I remembered so fondly sitting on her kitchen counter top as we made pancakes together, me tossing gummy bears into the batter. Compared to the memories of my maternal grandma, which are none because she died before I was born, I have this wealth of experience with my paternal grandma yet I feel heavier regret for not knowing her more fully as a person. For not asking her more questions and getting to know who she was and how she came to be. Yes, she could've resisted my questions as so many adults do to youth. But I never even gave her the opportunity to deny me.
Getting in touch with my spiritual self and embracing my psychic abilities, I didn't expect anything. I approached it with curiosity for the peace of mind it offered but never consciously understood what I was getting myself into. Here I am, almost 2 years later, and it is reconnecting me with my grandma to finally know her in a way that I thought wasn't possible. I allowed myself to flow with her guidance.
While I've read books and taken courses on many topics, lately I've been finding myself dropping or not completing them because I don't feel connected to the process. I've been allowing my intuition to guide me to what is most significant to me. I wouldn't have been able to do it if I was the same scaredy cat I was 3 years ago. I would've been to scared to find that I always held the key to my success: meeeeee.
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